I am Lillian Ogbogoh, a Sensuality Discovery Specialist. I work with amazing women who are single, celibate and unhappy with it to turbo charge their magnetism to attract and keep the man they desire. By reconnecting them to their deeply powerful and sensuous sides without shame, baggage and false information on their road to owning their empowered sex life.

Loving Everyone But YOU!

The fourth deadly sin of self-doubt is very interesting because it’s one that dresses itself up as being selfless and giving. Yes, that is putting everyone before you. Why? Because we have been told that if we put our needs before the needs of others then it is selfish and self-serving. However, some of us have taken this ideology a stage too far as we love everybody else in our worlds but ourselves.

What is this masking?

It’s covering up a lack of self-worth— that is, a woman who doesn’t see herself for the amazing being she is, but instead she is seeing herself through the ‘not enoughness’ glasses. She gets love, attention and accolades from the people in her life, but in reality she is generous but empty; feeding off the validation of others which she deems more worthy than herself. As she dismisses her own opinions, her personal validation of herself is meaningless to her.

She takes the needs and desires of others into consideration before her own and will give the shirt off of her back to make sure that their needs are met. She is normally exhausted, tired and empty, yet she still gives. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s right to love others and to make the important people in your life happy, but NOT at the expense of who you are.

The woman who does not think she is worth anything

She is the one who will deny herself any pleasure because she believes that all her free time must be spent in service to others. She volunteers for every cause she can find, is on every committee that the PTA has- she is the go-to person for all her friends and colleagues. She has no space in her world to love herself because she has given all her love, time, care and attention to others. To her, she sees them as somehow more deserving and worthy, not looking at the real factor, but justifying it as her being selfless and giving.

The empty cup syndrome

This not so unique syndrome is where you are walking around with an empty cup and looking for others to fill it up so you begin by being selfless and over-giving. Ladies, I’m suggesting  to us all to stop sacrificing self-love at the altar because of some screwy ideal or another… Where did this idea come from? Was it passed on to us when we were little girls, as we were taught that good girls looked after others and it’s selfish to put yourself first?

How can you fix this?

It is our birthright that self-love is not a selfish act – it’s a selfless act of compassion and self-care… It’s time to pick up the mantra of “I love me before we”! It’s time to put you on the love list. When was the last time that you carved out moments that were just for you; their sole purpose being for you to daydream, giggle and just catch up with what your body wants and truly needs most?

Yes, it’s time to love yourself first.

“Be the change you wish to see in the world” ~ Gandhi 

Translation: You want to see love in the world? Then you need to be loved. You want someone out there to be in love with you, then… Now say it with me, you have to be in love with yourself first… Yes! The cure for this sin is the authentic, glorious act of self-love. Loving the you that you are, unreservedly and unashamedly in all your amazing, technicolored glory. You are the blueprint for how people in the world will treat you. Just as a side note, this is not an excuse to ignore others or treat everyone else badly; this is really about making room in your own life for you, and acknowledging that you are worthy and enough just as you already are!